119.5 seconds

Got to grab some of the black today. Remember, it’s good for you.

Kanye West – let him say what he wants

I think he should be allowed to interrupt any awards show he pleases. If the organisers are stupid enough not to ask him who he thinks the deserved winner should be then he’s perfectly entitled to come up on stage and tell us. He can halt proceedings and spoil the winner’s moment and humiliate them as he sees fit.

Then he can be clubbed to death live on stage. The fucking prick.

Aren’t you glad?

Pigeon, the rat of the sky. How could this happen? Aren’t you glad you don’t live there.

catch that pigeon!!

Johnny two dicks

Today I dismantled and fixed my dishwasher. Pretty impressed, aren’t you? I was. Except… I broke the kitchen re-installing it. Why’s it called a kick board anyway, just tell me that.

Feeling dirty

Everything about Hugh Hefner gives me the creeps. That’s all.

inglourious basterds

It’s out soon, this weekend I think. Won’t be going to see it though. What happened to Tarantino? And I’m not talking about his spelling.  He made stylised, quirky films with a passing nod at other genres. Then somewhere along the line he got scared and decided his “style” would become a caricature of itself with the characters’ dialogue duelling with the screenplay for most cringe-worthy.  Kill Bill was well on the way there. Death Proof, need I say more.

Jackie Brown’s my favourite. Doesn’t look like he’s in any danger of surpassing that. Tarantino at his best.

Dark Matter

Some scientists have come up with a theory that suggests there is no dark matter, that the universe is not expanding due to it but that we’re observing a wave passing through the cosmos and the associated compression/expansion that naturally accompanies waves. But, I also have a theory. It’s based on the fact that my laptop network card stopped working, my desktop PC broke down, my work laptop then went kaput, attempts to log in to my work network on another PC failed and IT support exhausted all their knowledge trying to get me connected. I am Dark Matter.

Ka-ching!

I have decided to have a DNA test to prove to the world that I am the father of Michael Jackson’s children. Or Michael Jackson, I don’t mind which. It’s just business.

Aoooooooowww!

Never let the facts get in the way of a (bad) story

The local daily paper, The Belfast Telegraph, recently published this non-story on their website. I chose to leave the first comment. They chose not to publish. I resubmitted the following, this time copying it as a record, two other comments now showing. I don’t see the problem.

“Most people would think a single mother getting pregnant to her ex on a one night stand would be a pretty irresponsible thing to do.

The article describes her “ordeal” (though this may be the journalist’s words and not her’s). Most single mothers I know have managed to find a solution to this sort of circumstance.
It’s called work.”

Update, they finally published the first comment 15 hours after it was submitted. Perhaps moderating comments in chronological order is more difficult than you would imagine.

Another update, they’ve only gone and made an even shitier article from this apparent “news”. Let’s see how long/if they publish my latest comment.

on/off, on/off, on/off….

Today I am a non-smoker. So far today that is. I hide my smoking from anyone I’m not begging a cigarette from. If there’s no-one around to beg I buy a 10 pack. On reaching the end I always say that’ll be the last one. The paradox is I fear cancer more than anything. I don’t like smelling of cigs or the cough they give. Smoking is receding my gums, God knows what it’s doing to the inside of me. I need to stop. But I like it.
Yesterday I caved in and ordered these.